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26th
May - Part 1: "Tumourous Breasts"
It's gone 1 a.m. and I'm being assaulted
by porn spam in my mailbox. A woman with a pretty face is telling
me that I can attract the opposite sex instantly with a bottle
of pheromones. Random Capital Letters Abound. They obviously fail
to realise that sitcoms have told us all that pheromones attract
only dogs & cats in amusing pet-related incidents. If anything.
Never ignore the power of television. This woman is just a shoulder
in water. Her pretty face might entice a few unsuspecting readers
to investigate their product if it weren't for her breasts. The
unfortunate way the light has hit her right breast has resulted
in a strange, pyramid-like effect. You can't see anything more
than a hint but it's a hint that you don't want to see more. She
also has only breast. The other side looks flat as can be, making
her lone breast look like some kind of tumourous growth.
I feel there needs to be some effective method of striking back
at these bastards who flood my mailbox with this shit every day.
In the past few months I have apparently been picked up by one
or two thousand lists that mail loan & mortgage spam to me.
Unwanted e-mail like this is annoying when it's porn based. Boring
shit like this is downright suicide inducing.
"Ahhh crap, another twenty porn e-mails to delete. How many
did you get today?"
"....None. I got five offers for loans, the Mortgage Newsletter
and information on American credit cards."
"Remember to cut down, not across."
Or something.
Ebola by e-mail, the ultimate anti-spam software. I think it's
worth investigating. I'd certainly pay for the pleasure. The Eurovision
song contest "graced" our TV screens last night. The
urge to kill is high.
26th May - Part 2: "How stupid can one man & a mailbox
be?"
One of the spam-related highlights of checking my e-mail has to
be virus infected mail. I received one of my regulars today. As
my e-mail addresses are on various websites I get caught by a
lot of virus mailers, which is fun. However, thanks to a virus
scare on IRC last August I am
now fully protected with a legal, registered Norton AntiVirus
which I update every few days. It makes me think though... you'd
have to be a pretty dumb bastard not to be using an Anti Virus
program if your e-mail address is at all publicised. I had one
period of 36 hours, that I always cite, where I got roughly 18
virus-ridden e-mails. I'm no internet superstar and yet I get
virii in my mailbox every three or four days still. I have no
idea how I survived pre-Norton.
The best kind of virus e-mails are those that claim "Run
this program to get rid of Virus A. Any anti virus software might
claim it's a virus too, but don't worry - it's not.". Excellent.
I'll just run that straight way then! How stupid do they think
most of us are? Actually the number of people that DO run those
kind of things are probably far more than I want to know. In the
past few years parents world-wide have stumbled onto the internet
and will forever fall prey to the e-mails from bob@aol.com that
claim to prevent virus woes. It's these kind of people that unwittingly
turn their e-mail accounts into breeding & distribution grounds
for virii. Kill your parents when you leave home, it's the only
way to be sure.
There's a distinct lack of imagination in some virus e-mails though.
A blank e-mail with an attachment, a topic that reads "HERE"
and an address you've never heard of are not convincing methods
of infiltration. If I do open an e-mail like that then I expect
a large electric shock to be delivered through my mouse to kill
me before I have chance to procreate. E-mails that virii should
be more creative, like the fantastic recent example where people
received e-mails from support@microsoft.com informing them of
the need to run something or other and do something. I got a handful
of those e-mails, obviously the virus spreaders want to make sure
I keep on my toes with these things.
I received the following e-mail twice, because you never know
when I might be THAT stupid.
From: «Ó®ð£x¿þ¤l
<honey-ya@yahoo.com.tw>
Subject: Alert
Attached: ktyoedz.txt setup9x.zip
ur system is infected with W32/Yaha.K
use the attached patch to disinfect...
Ahh yes, my good friend «Ó®ð£x¿þ¤l.
It's been so long since I heard from him, let me open this up
and see what he has to say. Yes.
You can truly tell when someone is concerned about the integrity
of your system - they reduce "Your" to "ur".
Last updated to - Memory Imprints (Never End)
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